I didn't plan to be gone this long. I always think - "I can do it all". I figured I'd take a few weeks to get acclimated to being a full-time teacher while juggling being a mom, wife, etc and then I'd be back to blogging and sharing with you all. It's now been 7+ weeks and as I sit and write this I'm worrying I'll never find a way to really get back at all. I'm worried I won't be able to navigate my way through this puzzle and find a way to make it all fit - harmoniously.
Thank you to all of you that have reached out - wondering where I am and how we are doing. It's amazing how awesome our readers are! To put it simply - we are adjusting. The Lil Divas love having me at their school. They think it's awesome when we bump into each other walking in the halls. Their little faces light up and they get all excited and wave. Ok, they sometimes run out of line to give me a hug too. We're working on that but secretly - I love it. They won't always be so excited to have mom at school with them so I'm soaking it all up while I can. Thankfully, their teachers are very understanding (tolerant). I'm grateful.
They aren't as excited about the hours I've been putting in (10+ hr days) and the lack of free time we've had together. It's been a BIG change for all of us. I'm still trying hard to find a way to balance it all. I'm very hard on myself. I have a hard time not being able to do something or needing help. It's been a difficult journey - adjusting to not being able to do it all. Most days I feel like I'm losing that particular battle. I'm struggling to keep up. I mix-up the days the girls have P.E. I forget when we are supposed to meet for Girl Scouts. I am always running late to dance class. We eat out way too often. My house is in need of a good cleaning. I haven't had a real conversation with my best friends in months. The list of things I promised the girls we'd do together and then ran out of time to do - is getting long. All these things have me feeling unhappy and like a less than stellar mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc.
Here's the thing though. We need to find balance, don't we. It's wonderful to want to give your all at work (and I truly do) but it shouldn't be at the expense of my family or myself. I feel like a first year teacher all over again because this time I'm a mom too. I'm juggling way more than I did before I had my precious girls. The result - there have been way to many calls left unreturned, invitations turned down and simple moments with my girls missed. Those moments matter and I'm missing them. I hate missing them.
I don't want regrets to be a big part of my life so I'm making a simple promise to myself. Starting next week - no more 10+ hr days 5 days a week. No more working at home every single evening. It's too much and it's taking a toll on me. It's taking a toll on all of us. I'm going to work hard to manage my time more effectively and a few days a week I will leave on time. I will leave it all behind. I will pay attention to everything else besides work. My family and I both deserve that.
Hopefully you will see a bit more of us - soon. I miss blogging. A lot. Though this too can be time consuming (any blogger will tell you that) - it was something I truly enjoyed doing. The Lil Divas miss it too. They have been crafting a lot on their own lately. It makes me both happy and sad. Happy that they truly enjoy being creative and I sparked that in them but sad that I've stepped away from it for so long. We need to find our way back to it - together.
Here's to finding balance. Hopefully. Soon.
Thanks for sticking with me.
We appreciate it.