Google+ Mom to 2 Posh Lil Divas: Mommy Dilemma - Attachment Issues: Just a Phase or Cause for Concern?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Mommy Dilemma - Attachment Issues: Just a Phase or Cause for Concern?

My Oldest Diva has always been my more "high maintenance" child. As a baby we had to carry her in a sling practically all day because she would scream and cry whenever she was put down and alone. She won the crying it out war I waged because she would not stop & I could not take it.

I had to rock her to sleep until she was almost two years old - sitting in a rocker for 30 minutes or more and then ever so gingerly moving her to her bed so as not to wake her because then it would be an hour or more to get her back to sleep. Why, she would fight sleep because she knew it meant I would put her down.

She was a horrible sleeper - prone to waking at night in tears and fits of screams because she was scared and wanted to sleep with me. She still does this from time to time and she is now 5.

As a child, she would cry whenever she was left in the care of others. I felt horrible even running to the store and leaving her behind. I was essentially her prisoner, until she got a little older and I got a little tougher. Of course I had to because her sister came along & I just didn't have the same amount of time or energy to deal with it all. She had to share me with her sister and I had to leave her with others sometimes - there was no way around it if I had to work, etc. She accepted it, although grudgingly, and was still prone to tears but they would thankfully cease after awhile making it more bearable for all of us.

Of course we dealt with lots of different issues - like I said she is my "high maintenance" child. She was prone to tantrums - loud, dramatic and frequent. She disliked her car seat, shopping carts & her stroller. She did everything on her own terms - like potty training, learning the alphabet & how to write her name. There is so rushing her - if she does not want to do something, she will not do it.

So, this child whom I love dearly is starting Kindergarten in August and I am worried. Why? She is starting to display the very same behaviors all over again. She cries when I go somewhere without her. Gives me a hard time at night - waking in the middle of the night and not wanting to sleep in her room.

I'm worried about how she will adjust to being in school all day on her own. She already cries when we talk about kindergarten. She talks about not having her friends in the same school and has mentioned more than a few times that she doesn't want to go. I am trying to make her feel excited rather than apprehensive about it, reminding her how fun it will be and explaining that all the kids will be new to the school just like her because it is just opening up.  I remind her how proud I am of her and how happy I am that she is going to kindergarten and will be my "big girl".

Yet, I feel a bit clueless and a whole lot of helpless as to how to really help her. I love that she loves and needs me but I do not want to be her crutch. I want her to feel safe and secure both with and without me.  So, the million dollar question is - How do I do that?

Or, am I worried about nothing? Is this all just a "really, really long" phase she is going through and will simply outgrow?  (fingers crossed on that one!)

Bern

4 comments:

  1. How odd is that? Opposite here, my oldest is my independent one....ever since we brought him home from the hospital. I had no problem with him starting school. As he is going into Kinder, i have no worries about hi. My baby on the other hand sounds a lot like your oldest diva. I am always told its all just a phase. I am hoping its just a phase and no cause for concerns. But I guess we wilk never know until the time comes right? For your sake I hope she will just need some getting used to. You are a great Mommy and as a teacher I'm sure you have seen it happen with other kids. Best of luck.....

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  2. My boys are both like that....very much attached to me. My six year old even cried and cried last week when I dropped him off at his Grandma's house for a morning to play. As soon as I left, Grandma said he was fine.

    I'm sure your little gal will be fine once she gets into the swing of it. It will probably be harder on you if you have to leave her in tears. However, a hug and a kiss and I love you and then be on your way.

    Good luck to you! Being a mom is the hardest job ever, isn't it?

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  3. My older two are nothing like that, but my youngest is. I am not sure what I would do. Have you told the pediatrician. I think talking about it a lot with her will help. Read lots of first day of school books. Go visit her teacher and classroom a few weeks before school. Help her understand what will happen. I think we fear the unknown so helping her be aware is the best thing you can do. Hope this helps a little.

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  4. My oldest one is my shadow. He flips out if I am not in the room. He screamed bloody murder the other day when I told him that I had to go outside for a moment. He must of not heard me because it was if he was stolen and taken away!

    Weird thing is- he loves going to school? He has no problem if I leave him with a relative and go out to dinner.

    I fear I cannot help you- as I have no idea as to what his issue is either- MAJOR separation anxiety at 5. I am seriously five minutes away from calling his ped. Let me know if you figure anything out :-/

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