I was inspired to write this post via a conversation I had with a good friend the other day. While chatting, she commented on how guilty she felt lately. She feels guilty because she does not feel like she does enough with her oldest daughter now that she had another baby. She feels guilty because she does not spend the same amount of time on one-on-one activities with baby #2 that she did with #1, etc, etc.... I immediately knew from experience what she was going through. I told her it's normal to feel that way when you are making the adjustment from having one child to now having two. It's hard when you have to divide yourself among your children, husband, home, work, friends, life, etc...
Of course I was being sincere, I do know this! Yet, if I were to be perfectly honest, I too feel mom guilt! A lot! So I find myself asking - WHY? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? It's no wonder we end up falling short of our expectations and feeling inadequate in the process. Then we experience the dreaded (yet increasing present) "Mom Guilt".
Let's think about this. Are our kids telling us we are bad moms? I doubt it! One good thing about having kids this young is that they have no idea when we mess up or fall short in some way. So I say we give ourselves a break mamas. Our hearts are obviously in the right place. Yes, we want to be the best mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc... but honestly, we will never be able to achieve that. NO ONE IS PERFECT! Being a mom and wife is hard. You have to divide yourself but the truly amazing thing is that our heart has an endless capacity to love. Therefore, there is enough of us to go around (even if it doesn't always feel that way).
Is this the end of my own Bad Mom Complex? I doubt it but it's reassuring to listen to my friends and know I am not alone in my mom guilt and neither are you. At the end of the day I think that the very fact that we experience this guilt tells us we are GREAT MOMS! Otherwise, would we even care? It says a lot that we do care this much and that we strive to be the best even if we fall short of the mark.
So the next time you feel that twinge of mom guilt rearing it's ugly little head - instead of feeling bad, feel empowered! That feeling means you are a great and caring mom, trying hard to do her best. Your kids are lucky to have you! :)